Losers

I'm one. You're one, too. Everyone at one time or another has been a loser. Over the past several years, though, there has been a movement, I guess I'll call it, of parents insistent on shielding their children from losing. This is a horrible error on their parts.Two things should be noted here: I am not a parent and this phenomenon has been covered in the media quite a bit so maybe my take won't be groundbreaking, I just have to get it off my chest.

When you shield a person from the painful things in life (death, coming in second, racism, etc.) you do your child a great disservice. They do not grow up to be well-adjusted. I was not one of these people growing up, and maybe I'm not well-adjusted either, but I learned that losing was "a part of life" as my parents said, and while it's no fun to lose when you are seven years old, it happens and I am better for it, now. I have met these people, however, the people who have never lost and they walk around with a sense of entitlement, like they are better than others. As adults, though, instead of whining, they file lawsuits against anything and everything when something doesn't go their way. They have never participated in an activity without being rewarded for it. If they lose now, somebody else is at fault and the person who was wronged is entitled to a cash payout as compensation. These are the types of people that get my blood boiling.

In my freshman year of college, I took a Sociology class in which we watched Menace II Society. After we viewed it there was a discussion about the social ramifications, reasons driving the characters actions, etc. There was a girl in my class who I had some contact with outside of the class at parties, etc. She was from a very small town in southern Minnesota and thought she knew everything, including being absolutely sure that the "big city" (which I had told the class I was from, immediately causing her to view me with suspicion) was a Godless cesspool of evil, even though she had never been there and claimed she never would go. Which made her reaction to the movie even more confusing. The discussion went around the room and after a few minutes, she piped up, "Why are we talking about this like it's real? This is totally made up, this does not happen." All eyes turned to me and another girl in my class who grew up in South Minneapolis (in the smaller classes my freshman year, we would go around the room and introduce ourselves briefly--people always took note of the kids from "the cities", everyone always knew who we were that first year.) Now, neither St. Paul or South Minneapolis are South Central Los Angeles, but it was close enough for the discussion, I suppose. "Of course this happens," I replied "I went to high school with people in gangs and not all of them graduated for a variety of reasons, reasons that are portrayed here." She refused to believe me--she had never been told she was wrong before, never been challenged, had always won and besides being a know-it-all, she was a bully. The girl from South Minneapolis echoed my statement and the small town girl announced she wouldn't listen to nonsense, that we were lying to her and left the class. She never returned to that class and I heard later she filed a formal complaint with the Sociology department that went nowhere, of course. I'm sure there were more formal complaints after that, I don't know. This is what you get when you don't let your child lose however: your child assumes he is always right, and when they are wrong it is somebody else's fault. "I can't lose," they think, "I have always been right."

I also hear about the parents who complain when their child comes in eighth in a competition and is not awarded a medal or ribbon or whatever. Does it occur to anyone there are many other children who may not have even been accepted into the competition? Should those kids be awarded medals, too? Should I get to play third base for the Twins and be awarded a gold glove just because I like baseball? Sure, I might not be the best but I really like baseball, that's fair, right?

When I finally realized that I was not going to be a standout baseball player, I focused on what I was good at and it made me a better person. Sure, maybe I haven't won awards for any of the things I am good at, but I enjoy them and they are rewarding nonetheless. I don't need a medal to prove I'm a competitor or that I excel at any particular activity. Sometimes I compete and I don't win, but I don't complain about it, I try harder next time. That's the way it should be. If everyone's a winner all the time mediocrity prevails, because then nobody has to try to improve, they are guaranteed recognition no matter what their performance and thus don't have to apply themselves at all. I don't think parents see what a disservice it is to their children to demand recognition for participation in anything and everything. Besides it breeding mediocrity, it makes it more difficult to identify what the kids are truly good at, because they have a roomful of medals and awards just because they signed up to compete, not necessarily because they excel at any one thing. More importantly, they don't learn how to lose and that is a skill everyone needs to have. Learning that you can't win all the time makes you more well-adjusted, less spoiled and much more fun to be around (ever been around an adult that hates to lose? Amusing aren't they?)

Sure, it's painful to get passed up, come in third or fall down during competition, but if more parents insisted that their children pick themselves up and try again, rather than cry foul or demand recognition even in defeat, ultimately it would make them and their children better people.